Funeral procession flags

Nicos Elias

Nicos Elias

So, as a funeral home owner, I had my first Jewish funeral last week and got in big trouble with the Synagogue because my funeral flags have a "cross" on them. I was told (not very politely) that I should know better and if I expect to do any more business with the Jewish community, I better do something about them. I know there are more generic styles available, but these are the design I chose and never had an issue with them before, even with Muslim funerals. It's not a religious symbol, just the design on the flag, not unlike the American Red Cross.
Any of my funeral director colleagues ever hear of this before? 15 years in the business and I never saw this coming.
 

Attachments

  • flag.jpg
    flag.jpg
    87.3 KB · Views: 336
Had the same issue here with a Jewish Family. We have a Jewish section and honoring the family's wishes had a visitation in the chapel. At first no one was to view him but a son wanted to and I let him. We had a procession to the grave in our cemetery but the Rabbi refused to come in to the funeral home and no one told us only family was to be at the gravesite. Got an earful on that.
We learned from it and hope we are better prepared since we have another one scheduled for Monday. To top that off it takes a year before a marker can be placed on the grave so we put a temporary marker down which happened to have a flower vase built in. Turns out we failed to check the vase and it had a cross on it. Lot's of details we just overlooked but we do not serve that many Jewish Family's and must be better aware of their beliefs and wishes.
 
Nicos, I'm sorry that happened to you, that too would have left my head spinning. I have never visualized that to be anything more than a rectangle divided up four ways. To me a Christian Cross has proportions much different. I see the white as only a design to cause attention drawn to the eye. I suppose a white framed border or two bars, one at the top and one at the bottom or in a diagonal could have the same results and maybe even be offensive to someone for some reason. You just can't make everyone happy.
 
It would seem a good time for some of the FDs to get together and get a guide to share of knowledge of the faiths of things acceptable and not so. We all know in times of stress people tend to over react to small errors a list of not acceptables would help all.
 
I guessing the 21 questions before had would be in order. a check with the Rabbi on what is expected and what is not before hand would have helped. one could have admitted to him that you were not familiar with there customs enough to know what some may or may not be offended with. then do the best you can.
 
Peter Grave said:
It would seem a good time for some of the FDs to get together and get a guide to share of knowledge of the faiths of things acceptable and not so. We all know in times of stress people tend to over react to small errors a list of not acceptables would help all.
Click to expand...

That is an excellent point. I'm not going to discuss details of my personal religious beliefs, except to say that I would want a funeral for a family member to be free of any of the icons or symbols of various faiths. I am not part of the funeral industry, but I do work with the public. It can be very difficult to interact with others, especially in stressful situations, when matters of sincerely held beliefs are involved.

As a person who is a member of a smaller religious community whose practices and beliefs may not be well known to all, I don't usually expect others to "automatically" know that my feelings are so different from those around me. Mr. Graves makes a great point about a guide for giving basic direction for the Funeral Industry when it comes to these issues, but even then, I suppose it would still be different on a situational basis. Personally, I wouldn't have thought of the white cross on the funeral flag as being "the christian cross." I just figured it was sort of a universal funerary marking.
 
Peter Grave said:
It would seem a good time for some of the FDs to get together and get a guide to share of knowledge of the faiths of things acceptable and not so. We all know in times of stress people tend to over react to small errors a list of not acceptables would help all.
Click to expand...

There are books written on the subject. I know Blake-Lamb Funeral Home in Chicago use to have different funeral flags for different faiths. Its the little details that sometimes set people off when they are upset and stressed. I can understand the family being upset even though it is a honest mistake. We had a funeral director of ours pass away last year. He was buried in his home town. One of the other funeral homes he use to work at as a gift to the family donated the vault. As they sealed the vault we noticed on the lid there was a cross with Jesus on it. Rick was a Jehovah's Witness!
 
I see nothing wrong with using that flag either. Rocky is right That is NOT A Christian CROSS !

Man some people are just soooo "touchy" no one is happy now-a-days
Our homes don't even use flags anymore ...I'm trying to change the way the owner thinks he got away from the history years back
 
Mike Boyer said:
I see nothing wrong with using that flag either. Rocky is right That is NOT A Christian CROSS !

Man some people are just soooo "touchy" no one is happy now-a-days
Our homes don't even use flags anymore ...I'm trying to change the way the owner thinks he got away from the history years back
Click to expand...

I could have quoted some of the other comments, but I am being lazy, and only used this one.

It isn't a matter of what you see as "wrong", but a matter of what the family sees this as. You need to keep in mind that you are in the "business", and what you perceive as being acceptable, might not be acceptable to the client family. What you see the flag as not being a Christian cross, may very well be perceived as a cross to a member of another faith. For this reason, when a funeral director chooses to serve a particular faith, it is incumbent upon them to know the customs of the faith that they are serving prior to the funeral. The basic tenants of the more popular faiths are taught in mortuary school, as I have been told by those that have attended mortuary school in the past 10 years.

As for
Mike Boyer said:
" some people are just soooo "touchy" no one is happy now-a-days".
Click to expand...

I find this statement extremely difficult to comprehend. When someone comes to you to perform a funeral, it is a major purchase, and as such, they have a right to expect professionalism from the funeral director and his staff. This is what the industry prided itself on for generations. Comments such as that which has been quoted above, indicates to me that the compassion and dignity is no longer considered to be necessary by those serving the grieving family.

My apologies if I have offended anyone in the funeral industry with my comments, however, I stand by them as an outsider looking in.
 
when I said that some people are soooo touchy I wasn't taklking about this matter I was refering to people in general and everyday life. it seems we are always trying to make everyone happy no matter what ! and in the end ...we can't make everyone happy

or maybe I'm just having a bad day today
 
I should apologies to anyone here I have offended by my "sooo touchy" remarks. Today we had our Holiday Memorial service for all of the families who lost loved ones over the past year.
As a gift to each family we give a crystal Dove tree ornament to each family with the loved ones name on it. a very nice gift

well at the end of the service one family thought that each of their family members (8 in total) should get one each, when we explained it to the family they "were not happy it was not a pretty site

I guess I shouldn't come on here after a bad day at work ?

again I apolagise
 
it's all part of the no one dresses up any more either. cutoffs are church attar and good for weddings and funerals also. they is not a lot of respect (pride) for yourself out there let alone each other.
 
I agree with Paul the family has contracted a service and every detail must be adhered too,if at all possible,the flag one was different never thought of that one,here the only major disagreement was with our local Polish Priest R.C. who insisted on controlling the casket lever and when he got the family to a peak of sorrow he would hit the lever,totally un necessary and I told him so.
 
I'll say this, I have been reminded from this thread that my perception may not be the same as those I serve and to ask more questions and be more observant. Paul said it well in his comments. I would never do anything to intentionally offend a family and I doubt any FD would. There have been a lot of good comments made in the above post that I find helpful.
 
No offense meant to anyone, but it does become very easy to see religious symbols as innocuous or generic - when they are the symbols of your religion and you see them every day. But to those who are not from that religion, the symbol stands out.

The most important thing is to watch and listen. And not criticize ("I don't see why this is a problem."). If it's seen a problem to those you are serving, then it is a problem.
 
General business rules.Number one The customer is always right.Number two See number one. EXCEPT JUNKYARDS/SALVAGE YARDS Number one We put the cuss in customer Number two If you can buy it cheaper at the yard down the road go buy it there. The Funeral business is one of service to a customer who comes to the FD in a time of mental distress and as a result is far more picky than say the customer for the hardware store. Thus small details turn into big problems saying this knowledge is the best way to deal with the issues.
 
Thanks to Paul for his words. Been an interesting discussion...

Unrelated to the procession flag issue though, I do take exception to the notion that "the customer is always right...". There are times, that you have to put your foot down. There are times you are dealing with someone a bit crazy and unreasonable. Let me give two examples and ask yourself if "the customer is always right"?
1. Man comes into funeral home to make arrangements for his terminally ill wife. Says she is and always has been beautiful. Wants her displayed in a full couch casket, totally nude. The customer is always right? You will do this?
2. A non churched family has the death of a 20 something in their family and has no money. A church steps forward and gives them a free grave space and offers their sanctuary so services can be held close to the family and friends. The family desires an open casket service, and brings in a t shirt for him to wear that says in large letters "Raise Hell!"... the church objects... What will you do? the customer is always right?
Unfortunately, as catchy as "the customer is always right" sounds, in our business, it doesn't always work.
Again, this isn't pertaining to the flag procession issue - that sounds like good sound discussion has occurred.
 
Thank you everyone, good discussion. Just to clarify, it was not the family or even the rabbi who complained about the flags, just someone attending the service.
Funny that having done many Muslim funerals, we actually handed the flags to them each time and never a complaint.
I have ordered a supply of generic funeral flags now, just a diagonal word, should not offend anybody.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top