Sounds about right

P

Pat Post

Classified ads deciphered:
OK, that is taken from the professionalcar forum (link on the link page, but it is true and funny at the same time, that is why it is here. What statements in classified ads really mean with the real meaning in brackets:
Rough condition- (too bad to lie about)
Some rust- (Some rust holes you can stick your head through... the rest are *big*)
Parts car- (there's a piece of trim is isn't broken, rusted, or missing)
Immaculate- (recently washed)
Concours- (recently waxed)
Engine quiet- (uses 90-weight oil)
Needs engine work- (needs engine)
Needs minor overhaul- (needs total restoration)
Needs major overhaul- (needs to be put out of its misery)
Burns no oil- (it all leaks out)
Rebuilt engine- (Cleaned the spark plugs)
Drive it away- (I live on a hill)
Drive it anywhere- (On the back of a wrecker)
Desirable classic- (No one wants it)
Rare classic- (No one wanted it, even when it was new)
Stored 20 years- (in a farmers field)
Ran when stored- (so did the Titanic, and it has better odds of running now)
Never apart- (Bolts too rounded to loosen)
Solid as a rock- (Rusted solid)
Restored with 0 miles- (Won't start)
Restored with 2 miles- (Won't stay running)
Older restoration- (First owner washed it)
Good investment- (Can't be worth much less)
No time to restore it- (Can't obtain parts)
95% complete- (Other 5% doesn't exist)
Other interests conflict- (Spouse said "Either that #!!@?#*!!! Thing goes or I go!")
 
Wow...all that was Dead on accurate haha!!!! I will definitely be be sharing this with some of my buddies! As someone who is always browsing cars on craigslist, i can truly appreciate this haha!!
 
Let me add:
AC doesn't work, but probably only needs charging (I never bothered to charge it, so it must surely work right? no...)
Would make a good removal car or second hearse (I am always wary when someone's ad tells me what I can do with the car. Wow, maybe I suddenly need another removal car or second hearse - not front line, but second hearse... yeah...)
 
Kent Dorsey said:
Let me add:
AC doesn't work, but probably only needs charging (I never bothered to charge it, so it must surely work right? no...)
Would make a good removal car or second hearse (I am always wary when someone's ad tells me what I can do with the car. Wow, maybe I suddenly need another removal car or second hearse - not front line, but second hearse... yeah...)
Click to expand...

Haha! Excellent additions! Also:

Motor has a slight tick. I never got around to adjusting valves (It sounds like someone is building a house in the base pan)

Motor emits a tiny amount of blue smoke occasionally, probly just valve seals. (It loons like a mosquito sprayer going down the road. The rings are shot, and blowby blows the dipstick tube and PCV valve OUT.)

My favorite as a lover of antique cars: Partially converted to 12V (I converted it from 6V by installing an new 12V battery. Just needs a few bulbs now...and everything else i blew up.)

Carburetor just needs some adjusting. (I have 2 carter AFB 500's on a tunnel ram on a bone stock 302. Oh and the bearings are now washed nice and clean.)

The classic, EASY RESTORATION! ( all she needs is fenders, hood, doors, quarters, roof skin, deck lid, floors, trunk, rockers, all interior, all stainless and chrome, new motor, trans, driveshaft, rear, suspension, and a new chassis!)

I could go on and on from the crap I've heard!!!
 
Some of my auction company favorites:

  • Garage kept - Long enough to take the photos.
  • Barn find - Where it's been rotting the last 30 years and serving as a motel for rats and other creatures.
  • Patina - Paint, upholstery, and trim are shot, but with some work, it'll run as is.
  • Investment grade - Hopefully you'll be lucky enough to find a sucker even bigger than you to pay you more than you bought it for.
 
A new thing with ads now is "would make a good rat rod"...

So in other words, this thing is just a heaping pile of s#!t, but if you just wanted to make it run and look like a doofus in a jalopy, and call it a "rat rod" i will gladly take your money.

I wish people wouldn't over use and misuse "rat rod" so ridiculously often....
 
How about "this vehicle well maintained"means in the shop every other day,or" mechanics choice" this is the ones that put his kids through college.
 
Some others:

"mostly complete" = "except for all the parts that aren't there that you'll never find, cause I already looked"
"just the right amount of patina" = "really rusty, but I really like rust"
"running when parked" = of course, that's how it got where it is now when it was parked there 20 years ago
"may need tires" = it's sitting on the same tires that were old when it was parked there 20 years ago
"needs engine" = that was the only part of the car that was any good, so I kept that
"part of the XXXXX Motor Museum Collection" = ...which was collected outside in Rockford, IL and left there for many years

And my personal favorite:
"some water damage inside" = moldy, moldy, MOLDY (ask Nick and Larry how we know that)
 
There is a procar dealer in Kentucky (their family is also in the funeral business) that, at least while they were selling ambulances, was famous for making grandiose claims about some of their used cars. A few PCS members over the years fell for their descriptions, only to be upset when they actually laid eyes on the vehicle.

For example:

"Always garaged" could mean either (a) until it was traded in seven years earlier or (b) it had been inside a building that was destroyed by a tornado.

"Excellent condition" might've meant the hole in the windshield wasn't big enough to put your fist through.

"Needs nothing" might mean (a) as long as you had two complete running and driving parts cars or (b) as long as you don't plan to actually use the car.

"Runs, rides, and drives great" meant as long as it was on a trailer or a rollback.

I may have exaggerated a little, but I'm sure you get the point.
 
I'm reminded of a real life experience I had a number of years ago. A classified ad in the local newspaper listed a 1980 Cadillac flower car, so I called on it. I was told "just out of service, no rust, runs great". I respond that I'm coming tomorrow to look at it. What he didn't tell me was that it looked like it had been in a demo derby.
 
Patrick J. Martin said:
I'm reminded of a real life experience I had a number of years ago. A classified ad in the local newspaper listed a 1980 Cadillac flower car, so I called on it. I was told "just out of service, no rust, runs great". I respond that I'm coming tomorrow to look at it. What he didn't tell me was that it looked like it had been in a demo derby.
Click to expand...

Haha! But there wasnt any rust! People never cease to amaze me. Never forget a buddy called me about a 60 cadillac 4 door. Had one pic on craigslist. Talked to the guy and went right out to see it. It had been broad sided at 20 MPH. Conveniently, that side wasnt pictured. Owner never cared to mention. To be fair, he wasnt asked either though!

Ive seen the other side too where owners say, "complete car but needs total restoration" and ended up being really solid driver quality cars. I tend to make people expect the worse when they look at my cars. Ill say "needs total restoration". Then they see its not that bad and they feel good about it. Yes it needs restoration but its solid, original and can be driven as you work on it!
 
My personal favorites are "rat rod", meaning any old pile of crud some jerk slathered primer all over with a roller and/or leaf blower.

"Ran when parked" could mean anything from it wouldnt pass inspection anymore and actually ran to it has a rod hanging out of the pan, burns more oil than gas, locked tight and fulla water cause the hood was up, ran out of gas in the yard 30 years ago, use your own horror story.

Having worked in salvage yards before and frequenting the good old hillbilly junkyards in the south, I have seen many strange modifications to cars and highly unusual descriptions. My two personal favorites were a little four door Subaru with a wooden Plymouth Superbird inspired wing, and a 1970whatever oldsmobile four door with NEON spray paint job and two (non matching) valvecovers and an air cleaner screwed to the hood. At least they didnt do it to a classic car of any sort. Some people make me wanna barf
 
Here it is ! Check out this 99% complete car !

Read the sign for a good laugh !!!

States just a couple of week-ends work and you will be on the road !

I guess others are aware of this same situation,
Darren
 

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Darren Bedford said:
Here it is ! Check out this 99% complete car !

Read the sign for a good laugh !!!

States just a couple of week-ends work and you will be on the road !

I guess others are aware of this same situation,
Darren
Click to expand...

I have a few hot rod buddies that could get it on the road in a couple weekends! And at that price would prolly buy it too.
 
Its too bad Johns buddies are there and this is here,at the Barrie auto swap,having seen these before,its usually someone sees it and decides to become a hot rodder,yet lacks all that is required of the sport...so it rusts,and heads to the scrap heap when dad says clear it out.wiill have to get Darren to post when the next one is, could be worth the road trip????
 
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